by clicking the "Next" arrow.
by clicking on the page.
the page around when zoomed in by dragging it.
the zoom using the slider when zoomed-in.
by clicking on the zoomed-in page.
by entering text in the search field, and select "This Issue" or "All Issues"
by clicking on thumbnails to select pages, and then press the print button.
displays sections with thumbnails and descriptions.
displays a slider of thumbnails. Click on a page to jump.
allows you to browse the full archive.
about your subscription?
Mindful : December 2014
60 mindful December 2014 Clinical psychologist and sex therapist Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D, is a writer, speaker, and meditation teacher, whose Mindful Loving tips can be found at drcherylfraser.com She also writes our Ms. Mindful advice column. My man made dinner for me the other night. He’s a meat-and-potatoes g uy and I’m vegetarian-plus-fish. I watched him carefully place tinfoil-wrapped salmon on his formerly stea k-only barbeque like it was a meditation. The thoughtfulness and attention to detail made me feel witnessed, accepted, and loved. It was no special occa- sion, but he put himself second, thinking of my needs, what would bring me happiness. A simple dinner became an act of intimacy. Intimacy and mindfulness both involve paying close attention. Awareness calls us to directly experience whatever is happening without judging, controlling, or fixing. Bringing kindness and curiosity to anything creates feelings of closeness with it, be it our breath, our mind, or our mate. Simply notice how you feel when you’re speaking to your partner and he or she ma kes deep eye contact with you, versus how you feel if they text while you talk. Or how your interest sparkles when you truly show up as your spouse recounts their workday instead of thinking, “I’ve heard all this before.” Or the difference between a half-hearted hug and one filled with presence. Just like a single breath, ever y word, ever y touch, is unique. If you cherish each one, connection and loving kindness blossom, and the moment is made new. Sud- denly ever y occasion together is special. Practice TURN GOODBYE AND HELLO INTO MOMENTS OF MINDFUL LOVING I like airpor ts. More precisely, I like watching couples and families playing out the rituals of separation and reunion. This month, practice bringing that intensity of loving attention to your daily greetings and goodbyes. 1. At wake up When you first open your eyes in the morning, take a mindful breath. Reflect on how lucky you are to have this person in your bed and in your life. Gently kiss them awake, coming to awareness, together. 2. Setting off for the day Don’t just mumble goodbye as you chew toast and charge out the door. Pause. Collect yourself. Walk over to your Intimacy can't be cooked up all at once. It builds and grows from many little actions and habits that show we care. In Love sweethear t and make eye contact. Tell them one thing you appreciate and wish them a wonder ful day. 3. Coming home If you’ve ever watched a dog greet its human at day’s end, you know how to make someone feel loved when they come home. Jump up when you hear the key, trot to the door, shower your sweetie with hugs, wiggles, and kisses. Loosen up. Goof around. After all, it’s called forePLAY. 4. Bedtime When you get into bed together, spoon and attune. Nestle into your sweethear t’s back. Experi- ence the warmth of their body, the cur ves connecting you, and the spaces in bet ween. Slowly harmonize your breathing. As you inhale, visualize receiving love from their hear t, then breathe it back to them. “When you get into bed together, spoon and attune.” getting started: relationships