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Mindful : April 2017
6 Take action (start small) Whether you are forgiving yourself or another person, taking action can help to facilitate healing and make you feel more empowered. It’s best to start with smaller misdeeds to get into practice and feel what’s possible. Writing a letter or having an uncomfortable conver- sation can be difficult and even scary, but often a sense of empowerment emerges from the self-compassionate action of listening to your- self and doing something that supports you. 7 Remember, you’re not the first or last When you’ve been hurt, it’s common to feel like you’re the only one who has ever been wronged in this way. In fact, it’s likely that this transg ression (or some- thing similar to it) has been made many, maybe even millions of times before 4 Letitout Keeping hurt feelings bottled up only causes additional stress to your mind and body. Even if the memory is difficult to confront, see if you can share how you’re feeling. You can write about it in a journal or talk about it with a friend or a professional counselor. Sharing helps you expand your perspec- tive, and perhaps even see what happened through a different lens. 5 Flip your focus If possible, see if you can flip your focus from being the victim to putting yourself in the other per- son’s shoes. For example, consider the life the person lived that led them to this hurtful action. This is dif- ficult to do, but remember, you’re not condoning any action. This exercise is just about trying to see that, as humans, we are deeply impacted by our own trau- mas and life experiences, which greatly inform how we show up and act in the world. If you are able to do this, compassion natu- rally tends to flow from this more understanding perspective. throughout human history. Making mistakes is part of our shared human experi- ence. Remembering you are not alone in experiencing this kind of pain can help to loosen your grip on your resentment. 8 Have patience; forgiveness is a process Forgiveness isn’t a quick- fix solution. It’s a process, so be patient with yourself. With smaller transgres- sions, forgiveness can happen pretty quickly, but with the larger ones, it can take years. As you begin with the smaller misdeeds and then move onto the harder ones, be kind to yourself, take deep breaths, and continue on. 9 Stop blaming We all know it can feel good now and again to complain to a friend—misery loves company, right? Well, not exactly. Researcher Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong, says, “ Blaming is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.” It gives us a false sense of control but inevitably keeps the negativity kicking around in our minds, increasing our stress and eroding our relationships. 10 Practice more mindfulness A recent study surveyed 94 adults who had been cheated on by their part- ners, and found a cor- relation between traits of 30 mindful April 2017