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Mindful : February 2015
It could be that you go to practice meditation or do yoga stretches. Keep it free of clutter and make it as calming as possible. 11 Stop avoiding that person who really bugs you Most of us have a petty nem- esis, a bête noire, who just seems to get under our skin. Unless this person is truly malicious and requires a n intervention (that’s another Make contact Contact each fam- ily member involved by sending them a neutral, friendly email or card. If you don’t get answers, try until you have a response from at least a majority of key estrangees. Maintain a positive tone and ensure ever yone knows you’re ready to leave the past behind and move for ward. Go slow Don’t expect things to proceed quickly—there’s no low-hanging fruit or easy wins in trying to return to normal after long-term estrange- ment. Accept superficial contact as meaningful and take cues from other family members—they’ll probably approach you warily. Be friendly. Use a special occasion—e.g., a family wedding, a special anniversar y, or the holi- days—as an oppor tunity for forgiveness. How to End a Family Dispute Lose the self-righteousness Be open to ever yone’s point of view, even if it makes you gag. Finger-pointing and name-calling get you nowhere but back to the feud—be willing to listen with open mind and hear t. Cancel your storyline as well as the reruns Whether your sad tale involves betrayal, intrigue, cruelty, or mom always liked you best, it’s time to retire the stor yline and get past what you feel is an injustice against you. No mat ter who did what to whom, no one should waste anymore time thinking about it. Don’t expect apologies and be ready to forgive Forgiveness is power ful. The minute you really mean it, all the anger, resentment, and hatred will disappear instantly. Forgiveness brings peace. A BOX OF SIMPLE ADVICE topic altogether), cut them some slack. Somebody loves them. Why not make it you. ● Sharon Salzberg, Ali Smith, Atman Smith, and Andres Gonzalez Health and Healing: Contemplative Care for Caregivers February 13 - 15 Bob Doppelt The Leadership and Resilience Workshop February 20 - 22 Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche Enlightened Leadership: Becoming a Force for Positive Change February 27 - March 1 Madeline Klyne, La Sarmiento and Eric Kolvig Embodying Presence in Our Lives: A Mindfulness Meditation Retreat for the LGBTIQ Communities April9-12 Norman Fischer, Charlie Halpern, and Nikki Mirghafori Contemplative Lawyering: A Meditative Perspective on an Effective and Sustainable Law Practice May7-10 For our full calendar of more than 70 retreats and programs in the year ahead, check our website. garrisoninstitute.org Garrison Institute, Rt. 9D, Garrison, NY Tel: 845.424.4800 Building a more compassionate, resilient future PHOTOGRAPH:©AARONAMAT/DOLLARPHOTOCLUB